Paisley has buddies now

after almost 2 months, I finally moved paisley in the new cage with the babies. She used to push them around and bully them, but now that they are bigger, and she just plays with them and grooms them :)

it is so nice to finally see this!

(although the babies have their own bed, and paisley looks pretty annoyed that they are trying to fit in that tiny bed with her.) they are obviously so excited about paisley moving in...

oh, the rot... not always a terrible place.

Winter has hit me like a sack of potatoes. the backs of my hands are so itchy and dry already, this doesn't happen till January usually..! and the sun is getting low when its 1:30 in the afternoon!

I had the most fun I've had in a long time last Friday night with some friends from work. It was Leah's surprise birthday party, and we all got her little stoner trinkets, and mounds of yummy jello shots. I didn't realize how much they all mean to me until then. It's going to be sad when Tully leaves for Cali, but we promised each other we'd keep in touch.. maybe I'll visit her someday? the day i see that girl in a movie or on T.V, i will cry with excitement!

right when i think i hate the job, we get hit with birthday parties with awesome dj's from NYC and we have dance parties in the office, and family lunches.. lol no wonder i feel so close to these people, i spend almost every day with them!

my one goal for the next 6 or 7 years

leaving.

When?

as soon as there is $10,000 in my pocket, and I'm out of school, I'm out of country.

I'm thinking i might sell the car, stay cooped up at home, making art and hitching rides to school until that day comes. Its totally possible, and i cant think of any better option for my life after school. settling down in the rat race comes later.

my partner on this journey is josh and i hope it stays this way. this trip we will do for ourselves. to each his own. if i marry him someday i want to know we can travel to every corner of the world, and live through some possibly disastrous circumstances together, and still be compatible. yet, still able to be in our own worlds separately. respecting each other's lives and the ability to make our own choices, i think, is the most important part of a relationship before one chooses to partner with someone for life.

snakes and pumpkins

Halloween is definitely my favorite Holiday.

This was me on the day of family's Halloween/ my mom's birthday party

and on Halloween I was Medusa

Josh was a really good zombie!!

all your life we were only waiting

My problem is, I look for meaning in everything. for the past week, I noticed I have been drowning in the subject of birds. at least 5 times per day i over hear someone saying something negative about them, "I don't care about bird hunters, birds are annoying as shit" or, " I have the biggest phobia of birds, they freak me out anything that flys at me makes me faint"

Josh's mom raves about a European bird that 50 people from all around came to the Scarborough marshes to take pictures of. "black bird singing in the dead of night.. take these broken wings and learn to fly" seeps out of the speakers in my car. what does it mean?

but then, today I found myself driving through Westbrook , really having to pee as usual. so I drove into this McDonald's which was PACKED; cars looped all the way around and there was one parking spot. in the corner of my eye i see this little bird, sitting in the parking lot right behind one of the back tires of a huge SUV. he was still there after i parked and got out of my car. I checked all around his cute little round body and there was no sign of injury. He just stared at me, with his big round eyes. I stooped down and reached toward him to see if he would move. but he didn't budge, letting me rub his polka dotted chest. remembering how badly i had to pee, i ran in and went real fast worrying that he might not move and get run over by that SUV, and came back out. he was still there. he let me pick him up.. and he just looked at me, blinking, so light in my hand almost like nothing. i stroked his soft chest, while i tried calling people but nobody was picking up.

looking around, at all the zooming cars and buildings i realized this wasn't a safe place for him since he didn't feel like flying, or just didn't know how. when i brought him in my car, he was so calm like he knew it was okay.. or maybe he just didn't care? i was on my way to Kim Lee's for lunch, and i figured id let him out at the eastern promenade, thinking it would be the perfect place.. (who wouldn't want a new home on the eastern prom??) I mentioned to Kim Yelena and tom about my weird bird week and they seemed curious as well and amazed . we decided Kim's back yard would be perfect for him but it wasn't. an hour later when josh showed up I took him out to see if we could find him, but all there was were feathers and a dead body.

I have seen a million dead birds in my lifetime. None of them effecting me emotionally, because i can accept the ways of nature. With this tiny helpless bird dead in the grass in the back yard of my friends house, where it had just been alive, jumping up at me saying "dont leave! dont leave!" the tears exploded out of me. i felt so much sadness that i couldn't handle, and josh just stood there holding me, not saying a word, no expression, nothing. just rubbing my back, like anyone who sees just anorther bird dead because of another cat who was just being a cat. and then tonight i see a story on the news about an eagle in Europe that didn't know how to fly, and was taught how to by a man parasailing next to him.

what is the meaning? its nature and I was too involved.

pray

someday I will be the greatest healer and if you are ever ill you can come to me and I will heal you.

We both fit into Shannon's shorts!

( look how little josh's butt is compared to mine )

It' tis the end of summer as we know it, and I've started my classes. just two! I also started my Street Jazz dance class and I LOVE it. I really really do. and I can't wait until this Friday so I can go. its just once a week! maybe I will pick up more classes?? we will see. Today was such a bright and shiny day, howwww wonderful. I got pretty good at throwing a Frisbee. I also got a swollen lip from some weird bug that bit me.

happy days

Expiration

I am so thankful for what I have. There is someone who cares for me and loves me for exactly who I am. Every little silly, beautiful, or unattractive thing about me. No matter how frustrating things get. life is too short to question or doubt. It's pointless to worry, or fear of the unknown. I'm going to school, I'm getting my first steps out of the way its great! I'm not sure for what yet, but I'm sure I'll find that out. I really hope its an adventure. I've been stressing over not having many girlfriends lately, yet I make very little effort to communicate with any of the ones I've had all my life.. or even get out beyond my stressful work environment and meet new ones. I hope these things change. I hope I get motivated to get back in shape like I used to be. I never knew how much different you feel and how much less you can do with your body when it's not strong. I twist more ankles and get more bruises! and hurt knees and lower backs and necks.
It is hard for me to start writing without a picture to start. that's why, in most of my journal posts, there's a picture at the top. I used to love when people would post pictures of themselves and the things they'd do and the places they'd go. It was interesting to me, and inspiring.
When I went to Portland Power yoga for the first time a couple weeks ago (i still haven't gone back even though it was one of the best things I've ever done,) I learned a breathing exercise, when you inhale, breathe the word "Inspiration," and when you exhale breathe the word "expiration!" it fits, and it works, and it calms me when I'm stressed. so if you get stressed a lot, try it!

peace and love,

-moon

yay for anual Josh and Helen pictures!

<3

I wish

what if such fragile little beings were among us?

hiding out in old tree stumps deep in the rain forests where nobody goes.

relaxing in cob web hammocks, and drinking dew, and having tiny little fairy babies?

what if one day something like this was really found?

you can find anything on the Internet.

hopes

I think we all need a little dance and a little rhythm.

I think there should be music everywhere we go.

there should be lovers hugging and kissing in the supermarkets and parks

there should be trees with faces and voices

or humans with ears that can hear the tree language

there should be beasts with wings that take you soaring into the night

that smell like Jasmine and with fur like dandelion fluff,

and who bring you to all the best places for dancing.

there should be people with healing powers

there should be houses in hills

there should be no such thing as money,

people should trade each other's art, for the things they need..

and

and..

I don't know just something new?

I feel like I'm balancing on a tight rope. I have this steady stream of energy in my life, and if it splits, I'm all out of sorts. but I'm learning that life is always like balancing on a tight rope, and falling off. but there is never any ground to fall on; just more tight ropes.

I'm going to find me a dance class..

Harry Potter

If you ask I'll likely say, not until I'm at least 30. I do love children but I also value my own childhood and want to keep it as long as i possibly can, or at least till i can pass it on to my young.

This rain is subsiding, I see the clouds separating outside my window. This is what it would be like. I can't say that I hate the rain, or that it effects me in a way to change my mood, although on certain occasions it's nice to have the sunshine. ..Id be fine anywhere.

I'm also fine right here.

buying books for school makes me feel like I'm Harry Potter and that excites me.

By the looks of it, I will be writing quite a bit, and learning about culture and sociology. I remember a few comments Josh made while taking this English class last semester, and it sounds fun to mee..!

I've just got to look at school as fun.

even though it used to be hell for me and most of the people I know, but I know best who it was hell for and that's me. I was in what you'd call Title One, in a small room with a woman who showed me index cards with words phrases and grammar. Then once 9th grade hit I never heard from them and just decided that it probably meant I didn't need the help anymore. It would have been nice to hear it from them..

anyway! its dark all of the sudden and the computer screen is hurting my eyes, so I'm going to go read my book, then fall asleep and try to dream of Josh.

(we want to have the same dreams)

waves

It's nice to read a book that is just what you need; that runs almost right with my life, just some minor differences. maybe it's more connecting to how I feel in my life sometimes, with the main character. or maybe the author.. because in every book of hers, I feel so connected, so understood.

yet we've never met.

I get so inspired by so many different kinds of artists, that I don't know what to do with my own artwork.. this artist who did the sketch above has a painting on the cover of the book I'm reading, Quakeland by Francesca Lia Block. her name is Irene Hardwick Olivieri. There is so much life in her paintings! i like the words, and how one painting tells a story of where shes been what she feels where she wants to go, and so on. she is always moving, but she hates packing. she says that she paints pieces of furniture as shes packing them.

FLB reminds me that being a woman is a beautiful thing, over all the waves and confusion in the body and the complete opposite waves that men have.. the things i feel the things i hope, and that i can do.. I'd never want it any other way. This is who i am .

English Composition on Mondays and Sociology on Wednesdays this fall!

Im excited to go back to school im going to work very hard!!

popcorn flavored jelly beans

I've always wondered about the house down the street from me, the one I used to think was abandoned until I saw a light in the upstairs window. The front yard is covered with junk... not like a yard sale, but like someone just left it outside because there wasn't any room for it in their life anymore.

Every day I drive by and almost crash as i try to get a quick look at whats there. A big wooden painting of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, some old lamps, and a manikin woman who is only there once in a while... Sometimes i see the man who lives there, and I wonder if he lives alone.. or if he has any family elsewhere, or if he knows magic. someday I'll ride my bike over there and find out.

I always think I like cleaning, whitch.. when i get into it i really DO.. but i think deep down I'm lying to myself.
but wait.
if i recall, i did insist on doing the dishes before i puked in the sink, last time i got drunk.
and it calmed me

yesterday i bought a large jar of jelly bellies.
today, i am sitting on the computer and eating them like a fat kid with a fan blowing on me.

and not cleaning.

my favorites are the popcorn flavored ones. out of all the bazillions of flavors, that's the one. its not too sweet.. the rest kind of give me a headache.

i think I've had all the ones i can find.

bum.

i spent 3 hours at Borders today looking for a book on cleaning.
i walked out with a book by my favorite author and an umbrella instead.

its black.

(the umbrella)

and i stood in my driveway with it over my head under the cloudless sky,
because it's the first umbrella I've ever owned. it's very hard to put back in it's pouch.

!!

anyways!

bye.

Spiders

The reflection in my bathroom mirror reflects only my eyes, a brush of mascara with every blink, and Bridget behind me raising and scrunching her eyebrows observing her waistline. There were tapping noises above our heads, and i felt my stomach sink. This sort of thing has happened to me before. Bridget was too absorbed in the music, she new every word to this song.

I raised my eyes to see two fat spiders, one black and one red. Both the size of oranges with tubular legs. probably both pregnant, on their way to find a good hatching place in my home, resulting in more spiders over my head. Despite my terror, i knew it would only get worse if Bridget were to find out, with her Arachnophobia. so i told her not to look up, and to leave the bathroom. trying to hide the panic in my voice - "just do it."
She was confused, and curious, but didn't seem to have the guts to look up to see what was there. She has a trusting look in here eyes and she leaves.

so it's me and them, we have a battle. I grab a mop from the corner of the room and bat at them. they bounced off the floor and ran in circles hissing and spitting- I've pissed them off. they rose of the ground at least twice their normal size, and stared at me. I know I'm in way over my head, so i screamed for help. my dad bursts through the door and pushes me aside and sees what creatures have invaded his home. They both take a running start to him, but my dad takes his boot and stands over them like a beast, and stomped on them both.

and then i woke up.


----------- i was told to write down the dreams i can remember, because i remember almost all of them. And since i sometimes have a hard time thinking of what to write, that's not such a bad idea. I do have some interesting dreams, and others are just weird.
i hope that you find them enjoyable to read.