so i just read my last post and since then i have spent a little money on new clothes with christmas discount cards.. and a new pair of shoes from Material Objects. but i have still managed to stay on track with my savings for my trip next summer.. with money to spare for my car loan, insurence and school payments.

wow no wonder why i feel like i have bricks on my shoulders lately. I have had a really chalenging science class to keep up with that has really difficult lab work (difficult for me), and 2 other classes that also require a good amount of reading/work.

I was just laying on my bedroom floor with a huge head ache thinking about all the stuff i need to do and all the stuff i wish i could be doing instead, like painting and making christmas gifts.. and cleaning. somehow i need to fit 3 seminars in my schedule before the semester ends. i may not pass if i don't and that is so much hard work and money down the drain. what the hell.

i can't be perfect but i worry that if i don't fix things about how i organize my life soon, it might be too late. I usually can't describe what it is that is bo
thering me because i have so many random things in my head. so many things i'd like to be doing at this very moment. so i am never fully engaged in anything, and its confusing.

school has always done this to me.


daylight is leaving. i need to go for a walk before i cry.